Fastest Workout (Introducing Tabata)

It is officially fall! Which pretty much means I am freezing 24/7. But it is so pretty outside! Perfect scenery for running (now if only I had gone).

No more excuses for me! I have to get back to working out and being the best version of me that I can be (hehe, that's so cute, it rhymes. . .oh the English Major still lives). I am 100% healthy again and missing my constant runs and ab workouts. . .with a few leg and arm days.

Honestly I haven't had a lot of time over the last week and a half to workout (I think I worked out a week ago last Wednesday) between work and school. And not running is driving me crazy! I was going to go to the gym tonight and run. . .but as I was looking for workout clothes, I remembered that the gym closed at 7pm on Saturdays and it was already 8:30pm. Darn!

So here you go, instead of running on my treadmill at almost 11pm at night (let's face it, the downstairs neighbors probably won't appreciate that), I am doing a Tabata workout! What is Tabata you ask? Well, Tabata is an intense interval workout, meant to be done at maximum effort because of its short, 4 minute duration. The intervals are 20 seconds of an exercise and 10 seconds of rest and you repeat this 8 times. Now you don't have to repeat the same exercise 8 times, in fact the best thing would be to choose 4 different exercises and turn in into a circuit that you repeat twice.

Tonight's Tabata Workout:
-Squat Thrusts (20 sec.)
-Rest (10 sec.)
-Mountain Climbers (20 sec.)
-Rest (10 sec.)
-High Knees (20 sec.)
-Rest (10 sec.)
-Jumping Jacks (20 sec.)
-Rest (10 sec.)
-REPEAT!

Remember, the point of this workout is to put everything you have into those 20 second intervals without holding back. The idea behind the Tabata method is that it starts a "fire" in your metabolism which lasts for several hours after your workout. In theory you are burning calories even after your workout in done.

So, no excuses! You have 4 minutes in your day to get your workout on! Let's do this!

Once a Day. . .or Once a Week

I really am trying to post much more than I do. It is incredibly hard to say that you blog if you're blogging 4 times a month. But school and work have been crazy and by the time I actually get to relax, I am usually chilling with Mike or Haley or catching up on Once Upon a Time or New Girl. 

Anyways, this is going to be a quick post today. I am getting SUPER excited about Halloween! It should be a lot of fun dressing up and going out with good friends and hopefully new friends (yes Meghan, I mean you)! Mike and I are dressing up as 20s Gangsters and after 3 costumes and a lot of research, I finally put together a costume that I am comfortable with that also looks good. After all of that searching and returning costumes and buying new ones, I finally remembered that I have the perfect dress in my own closet! It figures! Now I just need to find a white tie (anyone have a white tie I can borrow?).

I have been feeling a lot better over the past couple of weeks (after my kidney infection that landed me in the hospital). However, today I have started feeling lousy again. . .hopefully it's just the weather and not a relapse. Being sick has been awful, it has set me back a little mentally. I lost about 5 pounds in the first 6 days of being sick last month and really don't want to gain it back. I don't really need to worry about gaining it because I am actually still losing weight, but I am fairly certain it is muscle loss since I haven't been working out a lot. I am struggling again to make myself eat. You get kind of a weird "high" when you have been anorexic and don't have to eat because you don't have an appetite. Not to mention the feeling of people tell you that you have lost some weight and seeing the lower numbers on the scale is invigorating. But I am trying to get through it and focus on eating healthy again and getting back to running and working out.

Mike is currently making us a healthy dinner, can't wait to eat it!

(Salmon & Broccoli)

The Shocking Truth!

It is amazing how much you see when you open your eyes to the world around you and stop obsessing about something. One of the biggest things I have noticed recently is how much society has messed up our views of "normal". Granted, because I work in the fitness industry, I am exposed to a lot more of it than I was before, but it is still shocking to see how easy it is for people to fall prey to these lies.

There is always the occasional woman at the gym who is so obsessed with getting that perfect skinny body, that she spends two hours or more a day doing cardio. This is not necessarily always a bad thing, but when a woman is overexerting herself and not replenishing correctly, there is a certain look that their muscles and body take from this lifestyle. Not only are they hurting their bodies internally, they aren't progressing. When you do the same workout every single day, your body adapts to it and the benefits of the workout diminish.

The biggest shock to me so far is what people consider to be an acceptable amount of food. I lived for a couple years trying to stay under 600 calories a day and making sure that I ran every day. Granted I only probably stayed within that limit 50% of the time. But I was very "good" at planning my days out. If I knew I was going out to eat that night, I wouldn't eat anything during the day to save up for later and I would generally try to split meals with someone or order sides as a meal (broccoli, salad, corn).  When I did splurge I felt SO guilty that I would make sure to get some extra running in and eat as little as possible for the next few days. I literally lived by the scale.

As a personal trainer I am exposed a lot more to people that overeat than under eat. Occasionally there is the person that has restricted their diet too much for their activity level, but that is rare and its not as much of an eating disorder as a lack of understand the body. Today I was reading a blog about a woman's weight loss journey and her extreme success. Of course I was interested in reading about this plan I had never heard of before. But within the first paragraph I realized how dangerous this diet was. Not only was it an HGC diet, but it had a calorie restriction of 650 calories per day! This was not the shocking part, I've read and researched such diets, and of course as I said before, I lived off of this little myself. The shocking part was that this woman and so many other woman that were reading and commenting on her blog think that this is perfectly normal and all just really good self-discipline! After reading through a good dozen comments of people congratulating her or asking questions or commenting on how they had also been doing something similar, I finally came across a few comments make by some nurses who stated their concern and the damage that these women are unknowingly inflicting upon themselves.

This is a great example of women who have been tricked into an eating disorder. All of these women defended themselves saying that the plan had been "scientifically" proven and that they had been backed up by their chiropractors and such. These women are choosing to believe the crap that they are being fed and are unknowingly developing eating disorders. And unfortunately these types of diets are becoming more widespread which is causing the number of eating disorders to rise. Although the life expectancy of our generation is higher than the generations before us, that could change rapidly if the number of people with eating disorders continue to rise. If a change is not made in our generation, what is going to happen to the next generation, to our children and our grandchildren?

If you had the ability to make a difference now that could save someone you love, would you do it?

Back to the Grind

I definitely have fallen off the blogging bandwagon over the last few months. I generally remember to blog when I have a revelation, am struggling with something, or have an itch to write. But that is not good blogging. I want to be able to reach out to others, to educate people on the reality of an eating disorder, and encourage others towards the goal of recovery.

So my new goal is to blog every day. Its going to be rough, I am already struggling with time management between a full-time job, being in school full-time, and keeping up with daily tasks. But I am determined to do it. In order to make a difference in your own life and others, you have to put forth the effort.

My first order of business is completed. I downloaded the blogger app on my phone and am going to update my twitter.

As for the ED update:
I am eating normal meals without having anxiety about it! Huge hurdle to overcome! I am struggling right now to eat full meals, but that is due to the terrible kidney infection I had a few weeks ago. But I will write more on that tomorrow.

Goodnight world!

Before We Go Back to the Basics

It has been a little too long since I have blogged. But it was a crazy summer full of work, vacations, job searching, self-esteem highs and lows, studying, and training. I passed my certification exam in June and am officially and Certified Personal Trainer working at Charter Fitness with about 15-20 clients so far. I love it! I love training people and helping them achieve their goals, helping them workout and create plans, and making a difference in the lives of others. Its not easy though, I am constantly having to research different workouts, nutritional information, marketing techniques, etc. I also struggle working in a gym as someone who has been recovering from an eating disorder and has a terribly low self-esteem. I find myself constantly fighting an inner battle as hundreds of women walk by me every week. I compare myself to each and every one, finding it hard not to hate myself when I am around certain women that I feel have the bodies that I wish I had. If I don't catch myself in time, it turns into a vicious cycle of self-loathing, mentally beating myself up for the days of missed workouts, the junk food, the abundance of food, the lack of self-control and self-motivation, letting my exhaustion be an excuse, etc.

It isn't all bad, it has made me come out of my shell and work to be confident in what I do and how present myself at work. Regardless of the imperfections I see in myself, I find myself feeling stronger and better the more I do, the more I try new things and different workouts, and the more I learn to sit back and try to accept myself for who I am and how I was created. It's all a work in progress, just like me.

This semester I am taking the Principles of Nutrition. I am incredibly interested in the material we are studying in this class, not just because it is applicable to my life and habits, but because it is applicable to the lives and habits of my clients. Although I am far from being a health nut (in general I believe in moderation, 80% healthy, 20% enjoyable), I am really interested in clean eating. So much of the food we eat in our society is processed and lacking the nutritional values we need, it causes us not only to be missing vital nutrients, but causes us to become addicted to these types of food, making us want to buy and consume them over and over again. It is a mean cycle created by companies to essentially make money off of our ignorance. Clean eating takes us back to the basic foods that give our bodies the essential nutrients they need. This means eating lots of whole foods (not necessarily raw); natural fruits, vegetables, legumes, tree nuts, lean proteins, and whole grains (unprocessed, like brown rice, oats, quinoa).

Now I am not even close to "clean up" my eating habits. In fact, I may have just had a huge bowl of rainbow sherbet. But I am getting better. I am trying to focus on eating mostly chicken, fish, and turkey (because those are the meats I prefer), lots of veggies and fruit, beans and almonds, and brown rice. I am struggling though to eliminate cereal, pizza, and ice cream (or sherbet). The ice cream I can eliminate as long as I get frozen yogurt on occasion. But cereal is easy to make and one of my favorites, as it pizza (its easy to order). I am recognizing the addictions my body has too these foods, specifically to sugar. Last week I had a burst of self-control (must of the been from my lack of exercise, I hate pre-race week) and gave up sugar for most of the week. Although I did eat some Special K pastries that taste like Pop-Tarts. . .definitely way up processed food alley! Once I had decided to stop eating sugar for so many days, I didn't really crave it like I usually do. I also didn't get the crashes that I often get and actually had more energy than when I am eating foods full of sugar.

I am currently working on a post that talks about Back to the Basics: Eating Clean, Lean, and Green. It's going to include tips, benefits, resources, and a list of foods to eat and to avoid. It should be up by Wednesday.

Before I say goodnight, I wanted to share a recovery update with those of you actually reading this. These may not seem like huge accomplishments to most people, but for me, it is like climbing a mountain and finally reaching the halfway point without falling back down to the bottom.

2012 Personal Recovery Update

• I have been focusing on eating regularly for nearly 6 months
• I have not starved myself in 6 months
• I have not used laxatives in 8 months
• I have focused on a fitter and stronger body through resistance training for 7 months
• I have put on 5-6 pounds, but have been focusing on body fat %, which is down to 15%
• I have noticed the change in my metabolism over the last few weeks, I am actually noticeably hungry every few hours, especially when I am working out regularly. (Its a little scary, I haven't actually felt hunger pains on a semi-regular basis in at least 2 years).
• I have discovered that I LOVE working out! 
• I have learned that missing a day or two of working out is not the end of the world and does not automatically cause me to gain 5 pounds (or even 1 pound).
• I no longer have the "self-control" of someone with anorexia, I can't just not eat anymore, I get too sluggish and sleepy and grumpy. (I still have self-control, I don't pig out).

Que Sera Sera

"Que Sera, Sera,
Whatever will be, will be
The future's not ours, to see
Que Sera, Sera
What will be, will be"


Its so hard sometimes. . .okay, pretty much all of the time to stop worrying about life. Big and small, we are creatures of worry. We worry about work, money, bills, careers, children, spouses, future situations, etc. What we tend to forget is how to enjoy the moments we are experiencing now, we miss out on life. Worrying leads to stress and stress increases the levels of cortisol in your bloodstream, which can lead to heart risks and obesity. By constantly worrying and stressing about life, you are causing your body to think that it is under attack and therefore must store food as fat and glucose in case of starvation. 

How many of us can change our situation or the situation of others by worrying and stressing ourselves? Who benefits from worry? Many people are skeptic of many "every day" messages found within the Bible. I have been struggling a lot with worry recently. I was laid off of my nanny position because my boss decided to try being a stay-at-home Mom. In an effort to make a step towards a career and finding a new job, I signed up early to take the Personal Training Exam, and therefore was incredibly worried about passing and then finding a job afterwards. I have worried about bills, school, the future, my relationship with others. I found that as I worried about one thing, I would start to walk down the path of worry and find myself worry about more and more. After spending some time talking with a very close friend of mine, she shared with me what she had been reading in her devotions, encouraging me to give it all to the Lord and relax. 

“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them.Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?

 “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."

-Matthew 6:25-34

It is just incredible to me that Jesus told us thousands of years ago that we need to relax and stop worrying, that He has everything taken care of. He knows better than us how our bodies work (he created them), and he knows that not only does worry cause us to take our focus off of him and miss out on life, but that it is harmful to our bodies. 

God really does live up to his promises and take care of us. There is no other explanation to how incredible everything has worked out over the last month. I passed my Personal Training Exam, I was offered a position as a Personal Trainer at a gym, Mike also passed and got offered a job at the same gym, the two trainers currently there are both quitting, and the entire training program and current clients are pretty much being turned over to Mike and I. Oh, and I may have an opportunity to transfer to another online program in the Spring for a degree in Exercise Science! God is incredible and definitely exceeds expectations!

Eating and Performing Beautifully Strong

I love ToneItUp! The trainers are such an inspiration for me and have sparked my interest in becoming a personal trainer someday...possibly opening a gym somewhere down the road. This video makes me a little jealous right now...I am going through some serious running withdraw. I want to go for a run so badly, I miss just lacing up my running shoes, feeling my feet pounding the pavement, and just enjoying my run and clearing my head. No other workout compares to the feeling I get when I run (or the endorphin high I get afterwards), although kickboxing comes fairly close, but its a different type of workout.

Not running has really mentally set me back in my recovery from the eating disorder. I know that sometimes you have to take two steps back to take one step forward, but its incredibly difficult to see the big picture some days. It also doesn't help that the quality of food I have eaten in the last two weeks has gone downhill between my birthday and finals week. Needless to say I ate way too much pizza, breadsticks, ice cream, and restaurant food. My self-confidence and self-esteem has taken a hit and I am struggling with the weight that I have gain over the last two month and the fact that I will be in a swimsuit in 4 days and am incredibly uncomfortable with the idea. I am trying to focus on being proud of who and am and how my body is built. We are all created uniquely, nobody is alike, yet society tries to shape us and mold us into this unrealistic body. Personally, I struggle with the fact that I work so hard for this body, and don't feel like I am seeing a difference, or at least the promised results. The lies we are told through fashion and media about our bodies are a major factor in the amount of eating disorders in the United States.

So my goal right now is to learn to accept my body for the way it is. To not pay attention to the scale, the models, the actresses, but to take care of my body for my health and future. To learn to love me for me and to build a strong and healthy body so that I have the ability to accomplish things and achieve my goals and dreams instead of focusing on the perfect body and being super skinny.

How do you build a body that performs beautifully strong? Its starts with fueling your mind, whether or not you are willing to put aside your insecurities and limitations, whether you believe in yourself and can stay focused enough to push through anything. Next is fueling your body, not necessarily dieting (because this often leaves to tired and malnutritioned), but changing your eating habits to best fuel your body with food that is full of nutrition and substance to energize your body to the max. Finally its about keeping yourself active and working out to kick your metabolism into gear, whether you are walking everyday or competitively running, activity will increase your immune system and keep you more youthful and possibly even lengthen your life.

Stay tuned for some posts I am working on including healthy and amazing recipes (that I have personally tried!), a list of Super Foods, and the benefits of different types of workouts, including CrossFit and interval training.

On a side note, I need to find a swimsuit for this next week.

A Few of My Favorite Things

This weeks Inspirations

1. Pinterest

I am officially addicted to Pinterest! I could (and have) spend hours just browsing through and re-pinning things. I have somewhere around 10 different boards and have sent my friend and sister a number of wedding inspirations. I also love browsing Pinterest when I need inspiration or motivation for life, fitness, or nutrition. If you haven't joined, you definitely should! Check it out here.

2. Magic Bullet

I love the Magic Bullet! It is by far the best blender type appliance on the market and well worth the cost. I have been wanting one since I moved into the apartment I am in and had my own kitchen for the first time ever. My parents gave me one last week for my birthday and I am in love with it! I mostly make smoothies and use it to dice or mince when I am cooking. You can also make powdered sugar with it! AMAZING!

3. Exercise Ball

Exercise Balls are amazing! It challenges your muscles 10x more to do exercises with the ball and allows you to do more challenging progressions and variations for a harder and more effective workout. Mike gave me one for my birthday and I love it! Now I can do ball exercises at home!

4. Frozen Yogurt

Frozen Yogurt seriously might be one of my favorite foods! What is not to like?! Non-fat yogurt full of good things like probiotics and protein, add some nuts for more protein and healthy fats, some fruit for vitamins and antioxidants, and maybe a little chocolate on top for fun. All together you have a nutritious and delicious meal! (I am highly considering getting some CherryBerry for dinner tonight...shhh, don't tell!)

5. Cute Dresses

When it comes to clothes I am a girly-girl at heart. I love dresses! If I could wear a dress on a daily basis I probably would 5 out of 7 days in a week. However, because I am a nanny, wearing a dress to work is not practical, especially when you're taking care of an active 1 year old. Dresses are my guilty pleasure, I love buying new dresses (in fact I just bought the bottom middle dress in a coral color, its SO cute!).

What are your favorite things this week?

Sleeping for 100 Years?

In Sleeping Beauty, the princess pricks her finger and falls into a deep sleep for 100 years until a Prince (her true love that she has never met and let's face it, is WAY too young for her) kisses her and breaks the spell. Just think of all of the things she missed in life by sleeping for 100 years. Granted, it wasn't her choice and she didn't age any and neither did her family or friends stuck in the castle also asleep. But still, she missed out on an entire century of history and life.

Sometimes I wish we could just sleep through parts of life without aging. Ironically we often make comments saying that we wish we could skip different things or sleep through them without thinking about everything else we would miss in life if we were able to do that.

Regardless, I wish I could just skip the next 8 days and wake up having completed all of my tests, quizzes, papers, and assignments on time without the stress and hassle of going through it. I just have to keep pressing forward and reminding myself that after these 8 days of school are over, I have an entire summer off of school!

I wish I could run right now...running is my coping mechanism for stress, especially school related stress. Going to the gym this week has helped, however I am not a stress eater, in fact I am the opposite and always have been. Therefore I haven't had the energy that I am use to having when I am at the gym for 1-3 hours a day.

Yesterday's workout was pretty good though. First I went to a circuit training class at the gym. There were 3 different stations with 4-5 different moves. We rotated through each station 3 times, in 3 minutes intervals.

This is what it looked like:
Abs (with an exercise ball):

• Back Extensions
• Leg Raises
• Rolling Planks
• Crunches
• Tucks

Leg Cranks (no equipment):

• Squats
• Reverse Lunges w/Side Twist
• Jump Squats
• Jump Reverse Lunges w/Side Twist (the side twist was harder here)

Wood Chop Series (with a 10 lbs medicine ball):

• Diagonal Chops (chopping downwards)
• Side Chops (side twist motion)
• Straight Chops (chopping downwards)
• Slams (literally reaching up with your whole body and slamming the ball down as you crunch abs)

This is typically the type of circuit done during the 6pm Wednesday night class at Corrective Exercise, however I was struggle with energy levels more than usual yesterday. But I kept going. After class the owner helped me pump up the exercise ball I got for my birthday. Then I did 4 rounds of boxing, kicking, muay thai combinations on the new punching bag at the gym. I cooled down after that by biking for 10 minutes (have I mentioned that I HATE biking with a passion!!!).

(doing balanced squats)

I typically workout with my trainer Tuesday/Thursday at 5pm and then go to a class at 7pm. Sometimes I will go for a short run in between, or bike for a little bit when I can't run. But this week hasn't worked out for training or running, so I mostly have been going to classes, hitting the bag, and biking on my own. 

Okay, I have to stop procrastinating and get some school work done. I told myself if I got enough done, I could go to a class at the gym tonight (which is in an hour, yikes!).

Do you workout on a regular basis? If so, what do you do?

     

I {heart} Running!

I love running...I even had a mug and shirt made that say I {heart} Running! Its really a love/hate relationship. There are days where I don't feel like running or struggle through my run or have just an overall bad run. But I have never regretted a run and I ALWAYS feel better afterwards. My best runs have been when I have relaxed and just let myself enjoy running and the outdoors...and occasionally the runs that I have pushed hard and set personal records.

Anyways, I am going through withdraw right now. I haven't run since last Tuesday due to my knee injury and am starting to get antsy, restless, and depressed (when I think about running). I am in my last 9 days of school (for the school year) and am incredibly stressed. Usually if I am stressed or upset I go running, it helps me relax and work out the frustrations and emotions and balances out my hormones.

Because of the injury I have been reading up on alternative cardio workouts. Everyone I have talked to suggests biking (which I detest with a passion) or walking (boring). Monday is usually a day that I stay home from the gym and just run, but this Monday I decide to go to the gym for a class since I couldn't run. We did a small circuit with chest presses, resistance band rows, squats with weighted bar, and chops with a medicine ball. Afterwards I rode the stationary bike (yuck!) for 15 minutes and then strapped on my pink gloves and hit the punching bag for another 15 minutes.

Right as I started punching the MMA practice that runs in the evenings ended early and all of the guys started trickling out into the open gym area. I kept going and tried to ignore them, but I felt incredibly self-conscious punching the bag as all of these fighters were walking around (granted, I did know at least half of them, so it wasn't quite as awkward as it could have been. Not to mention my trainer and my boyfriend are in that mix). As I was punching I overheard Matt (the guy I train with) and another guy talking about their upcoming fights (May 3rd, GO MIKE (sorry Tyler)! May 5th, GO MATT!) and then heard the other guy ask Matt if I was a fighter too. Hahahaha! This made me smile and mentally laugh as I continued my punching.

(Mike's face after practice, this isn't even as bad as it gets, the guys generally leave practice with scraps, bruises, blood, fat lips, etc.)
.
I am incredibly interested in HIIT (High Intensity Interval Training) along with circuit training and Cross Fit. They all have similar focuses, which is high intensity workouts in short bursts (generally 1-3 minutes). Research shown is that people who participate regularly in these type of workouts are getting in shape faster than people spending a long duration of time doing one single cardio exercise. Not only does it get your heart rate up, it builds your stamina, makes to pull energy from your body's reserve (to push hard and fast), but also tones and strengthens your body while giving you a cardio workout. Interval Training keeps your body moving and prevents adaptation due to the constant change in movement. Add weights, kettlebells, or medicine balls and you will be torching fat!

Nutrition is better this week than last week. I have been focusing on eating when I am truly hungry and still trying to make healthier decisions. Monday was so-so, I definitely didn't eat enough, but I was up Sunday night due to stress and was so tired on Monday that I just wanted to get through work and go home and nap. I started out great with an apple and whole grain cereal, but only had a few pretzels in the afternoon and then ordered pizza for dinner because I was too tired to cook.

Yesterday (Tuesday) was better, starting off with an apple and cereal, Wendy's chili for lunch, leftover pizza  (Mike talked me into it), and then a salad and a smoothie (strawberries, pineapple, and a little soy protein) after the gym.

(My salad and smoothie)


I think I would do better if I planned ahead and did as much pre-cooking and packing as possible, making it harder to have excuses to order pizza and such...although I had been craving pizza for two days.

In honor of my birthday last weekend, I went shopping on my day off and had a little too much fun playing dress up. What do you do for fun on the weekends?

Half Marathon Recap

The half marathon was much better than I ever imagined it would be. Mike and I ran 13.1 miles in 02:07:01 and are actually considering running another one someday...just not anytime soon. The first half of the race was great! We both felt great, we were maintaining a much faster pace than we had expected (about 9 minute miles) and hit the halfway mark at 57:40. However, it went a little downhill from there. Mike was great, he was a trooper and kept encouraging me and checking up on me. We agreed when we signed up for the race that we would stay together the entire time since it was a long race and our only goal was to finish. We prepared fairly well for the race considering we weren't sure what to expect. We carbed-up on Friday night, ate a high-energy breakfast, drank some water, and bundled up with our energy gummies in Mike's pockets (it was 40 degrees and I had no pockets). Unfortunately between mile 7 and 8 things went downhill when I started experiencing bouts of dizziness, followed by occasional muscle spasms in my calves. My energy levels suddenly dropped and the last 4 miles were rough. It turns out I was incredibly dehydrated and discovered that I need to carry water with me if I run another half marathon. We're pretty sure that we would have finished right under 2 hours if it hadn't been for my hydration problems.

Needless say, WE FINISHED!!! We are so happy and proud! Here is us right before the race started.

 Now we are going to focus on 5k races for the summer, which we will run on our own since its more about time. However, it appears that I hurt my knee somehow during the race and I currently can't run farther than 2 miles because of the pain running causes me. Thankfully it didn't hurt at all when I worked out with my trainer today (and we hit pads (like kickboxing) and did squats and abs). So I will be looking for cardio alternatives until my knee heals, which is sad because I love running.

This has been a tough week for my self-confidence. Taking it easy and carbing-up all of last week really took a toll on my body image. It has been hard for me to continue to push myself to stick to a healthy eating routine and not fall back into my old habits of eating like a rabbit. I am considering buying a membership to this nutrition plan that includes recipes and guidelines and tools to help you make healthy choices and makeover your lifestyle. I think the structure would be good for me personally, just to have something to follow that is fairly specific and that offers a variety of recipes. Not only do they focus on more basic, raw, healthy foods, but foods that are full of energy for your body. I haven't decided yet, its kind of expensive. I want to make sure it is worth it before I buy it.

I saw this picture with a saying on Pinterest yesterday that made me chuckle. Its might be slightly inappropriate, but amusing and true nonetheless. 

The Little Things in Life...Inspirations

This weeks Inspirations

1. Tone It Up!

The TIU trainers are awesome! They are young, healthy, and beautiful women who life healthy lifestyles and spend their time training and helping other women transform their lives. They have awesome workouts, workout reminders, and healthy recipes that they post daily! They also post inspiring success stories from real women who have transformed themselves! You can see it all here!

2. Coconut Cake

Sam's Club has THE BEST Coconut Cake and is seriously one of my favorite cakes! My birthday is next week so I have had this cake on my mind...it also has kept me focused on eating healthy so I have something to look forward to. Next week I plan on buying myself the cake and eating a nice big piece!

3. Pink Boxing Gloves

I LOVE my pink boxing gloves! They are as girly as boxing gloves can be without screaming "I'm a prissy whimpy girl!". I love working out and hitting pads, whether I am with my trainer, with my boyfriend, or kickboxing, it is one of my favorite workouts next to running! It is an empowering workout!

4. Half Marathon Sticker

With my first half marathon only two days away, I have been focusing on getting pumped and prepared to run for a VERY long time. Thankfully I won't be running it alone, but awesome boyfriend agreed to run it with me, even though he is not a long distance runner (he can run, he just doesn't enjoy long distance). Anyways, I cannot wait to get one of these stickers for my car! 3 years ago I couldn't even run a mile!

5. Beautiful by MercyMe

This song is my inspiration when I am feeling worthless, plain, and unwanted. It is a beautiful reminder that no matter what we face and the lies the world tells us, that we are perfectly and wonderfully made, beautiful and loved in the eyes of God. 

Goals, Hurdles, and Inspirations!

Hurray! I have officially reached one month of eating healthy and committing to recovery! Its been a difficult month...some days were better then others. I still struggle about every other day to keep pushing through this. There are so many days that I just want to give up and go back to my old habits and just accept that the disorder is a part of who I am. Its been really hard, some people are so critical and don't understand how real this is, they don't understand that recovery is more then just deciding to eat and actually following through, but actually an uphill battle. 

The biggest challenge (other than not giving up) has been finding the right combination of food and the correct portion sizes. The first week I was just trying to get enough food in my body, regardless of the nutritional value...needless to say I ate things I don't usually allow myself to eat, such as pizza, fries, ice cream, etc. The next week I started focusing on finding healthy meals that were full of nutrition and started cooking a lot more at home. I am still trying to figure out the best nutritional plan for me, and I have a feeling it is going to take a little bit to find what works, but I keep trying. 

Here are the top five things that I feel are the biggest contributions to success in ED Recovery:

1. Family & Friend Support: Without the support of family and friends, there is absolutely no way anyone will ever recover from their ED. The disorder rips away at self-esteem, self-respect, motivation, and rationality (when it comes to food and exercise), leaving that person needing the support of others to help them re-build their rational thinking skills, build them up, and especially keeping them accountable. I wouldn't be able to do this if I didn't have people keeping me accountable, especially my Mom and Mike, and even my boss Teri who asks me if I am eating if she doesn't see me eat at work.

2. Nutritionist/Dietitian: I have been so blessed by this woman! Cathy is a friend of my Mom's that she has known since college. Cathy is such a wonderful and strong woman, she is such an inspiration to me and I look up to her so much! She has been working with me through all of this, reading over my food diary, helping me choose healthier foods and get on an eating schedule. Not only this, but she has been such an encouragement to me in general, she is an amazing WOG! Someone with an ED needs guidelines and direction regarding their diet, without this it is easy to fall back into old habits because they don't know how to create new ones.

3. Exercise: Although this depends on the type of ED and the severity, I believe exercise is essential to recovery. It allows you to feel a little more in control of yourself and the endorphins you get from working out will help you feel better about yourself, cancelling out some of the negative. Running and hitting pads (like kickboxing) are my go to workouts when I am stressed or upset or feeling horrible about myself. I always feel better and I feel more focused about getting healthy. I am trying to create a healthy lifestyle and being active will always be a part of that.

4. Setting Goals: Setting goals is the best way to stay committed to recovery. Goals give us something to look forward to, something to work towards, and help us feel positive when we achieve these goals, no matter how big or small. Starting small is the best way to start recovering, for example, I started with the goal of trying to eat normally for two weeks. Even though it was a small goal, two weeks of eating is a lot when you have struggle with an ED, but short enough that you don't feel as overwhelmed. Just focus on your short term goals to start out with, anything beyond that seems impossible sometimes and could cause you to fall back into a destructive pattern.

5. Inspirations: Creating an inspiration board or just surrounding yourself with things that inspire you can help pull you through the rough days when you feel like you can't keep going. My inspirations come from blogs, magazines, people I know, things that make me happy, and hobbies. Not only do these things comfort, inspire, and motivate, but they fill your time and thoughts, leaving less room in your mind for the ED and give you the push forward. You've heard the saying; "It's the little things in life that matter."

If you're going through hell...

"If you're going through hell, keep going." -Winston Churchill

Such a short sentence for such a big thought. There are many moments in life when we are facing trials or troubles that cause us to feel like we are being put through the fires of life. It hurts, its burns away parts of us, it tears straight through, and at times leaves us so desperate to get away from the fiery inferno that we are suddenly face to face with the harsh reality of the situation. It is moments like this when we have to choose whether to give into the torturous flames eating at us, to essentially give up and die, or to keep fighting through the agony knowing that there is an end to this pain somewhere and that with help from God and others, we can walk through our hell.

I feel so trivial and selfish at times. An eating disorder is a selfish disease. It causes you to focus only on yourself, your problems, and your imperfections. It causes you to lose interest in the things you use to care about, to stop talking to the people you care about, to somewhat seclude yourself away from life. The disorder turns what should be a relaxing and enjoyable evening out into a raging battle inside of you. At dinner, instead of ordering something that looks delicious, you almost always order salad, and if you don't, you spend the rest of the night mentally beating yourself up for that moment of weakness and that basket of fries. While you're listening to a band and hanging out with friends, instead of relaxing and enjoying the company and good music, you mentally are comparing yourself to every woman in the room, feeling completely ashamed of yourself and your body, and end up sitting quietly as your friends enjoy themselves and you are being inwardly tormented  by something you can't seem to vanquish. 

It feels so selfish, yet it is so hard to get past these things. This is why there are so many misconceptions about eating disorders. Most people don't talk about what they are going through and 50% of an eating disorder (if not more) is unseen because it is mental and emotional. Thankfully it is something that is being studied more and becoming widely recognized for what it truly is. Even though I feel so selfish sometimes for even having the disease that I have, I feel so very blessed that there is a cure and that the cure is obtainable and will result in success. Even though it is not currently life threatening to me, it is life threatening to so many people who are struggling with eating disorders. An eating disorder is like a mental and emotional cancer, it slowly eats away at your self-esteem, your body image, your normal brain functions, your hormones, your attitudes, and most important; your worth.

I have made it over my first hurdle, today marks one week of eating normal amounts of food. For the majority of the week I did well and followed through everyday. Working out really helped me stay focused since I needed the energy to work out as much as I did and it kept my mind occupied so I didn't have as much time to think about everything. However, this weekend has been rough. My weekends are fairly quiet since I don't work on weekends and I usually have a lot of free time which I usually spend doing homework, running errands, cleaning, catching up on a little tv, running, and spending some time with friends. However this weekend was a little out of place. First of all it was Spring Break, which meant no homework (alright so I did have homework, but I slacked off because I am burnt out on school), I also wasn't feeling good for part of the weekend which meant I couldn't run Saturday (Friday was my day off after 4 days of at least 2 hour work outs), and I didn't have a lot of errands to run since I had Friday off of work and ran my errands then. Needless to say I had too much time to think over the last two days.

I am starting to feel bloated and flabby...although I know I am probably bloated from the extra food intake that my body isn't use to and flabby from my screwed up image of myself. It has been a really rough 24 hours. I have had to convince myself a number of times that I am not going to give up and that I am going to keep trying. I have had to remind myself that I just have to keep going one week at a time, since focusing on more than a week right now is overwhelming and depressing, and remind myself that I won't have to put a swimsuit on for two more months.

Right now I feel like I am mentally and emotionally going through hell. I feel like crying so often because I am at war with myself. Half of me wants to just stop eating, half of me wants to get better...its a constant thing right now. I pray that there will be a day when I won't be tormented by this constant battle. 

I am going through hell...and I'll keep on going until I am free.

Choices...

"The biggest misconception is that the condition is a willing choice made by the sufferer. The National Institute of Mental Health describes eating disorders as serious illnesses with a biological basis that is modified and influenced by emotional and cultural factors. In this respect it's similar to other addictive behaviors and, like those conditions, recovery is far more difficult than simply deciding to eat more once again." (Stride Nation)

No person suffering from an eating disorder made the choice to feel like they do. An eating disorder is more than just the behaviors associated with them. Its more than starving yourself, more than binging and purging, more than counting every calorie that passes through your lips...its a mental illness. 

I don't choose to feel this way, I want to be normal and not see food as an enemy, but something essential to my body, mind, and life. But I am sick, I have a disease. This disease causes my brain to process hunger pains and food cravings as enemy signals, as something to overcome and break, telling me that getting through the hunger without eating will be success and invigorating. The disease tells my conscience to feel guilty when I eat over 600 calories and to congratulate myself when I stay under that calorie limit. The disease causes me to have obsessive behaviors that cause me to plan ahead for my day so I know when I may have to eat because I am with people so I can adjust by starving myself for the majority of the day to save my calories for later. It causes me to count and calculate the calories in every piece of food I put in my mouth and causes me to think about purging if I "overeat". 

Unfortunately by the time that I realized that I had a problem, I was too caught up in my habits and behaviors and too mentally screwed up by the disorder that I wasn't thinking straight anymore. Thankfully I am surrounded by family and friends who love me and started recognizing my strange habits and suddenly rapid weight loss and started encouraging (sometimes nearly forcing) me to eat and talk to a nutritionist and take a step back from working out so much. But it still wasn't quite enough. I put on a little weight, started eating a little more. But I still counted calories, started running more and eating less here and there, telling myself that I didn't have a problem and that I could live like this. I didn't want to feel like this, I can't even begin to count the times that I would break down because I couldn't stop feeling this way. I wanted to be normal, I didn't want to feel guilty every time I ate something, I didn't want to eat half of an ice cream cone because I couldn't make myself eat all of those calories, I didn't want to feel like I was gaining weight everyday I went over 600 calories or didn't workout...I JUST WANTED TO BE HEALTHY!

Finally I made my CHOICE...I choose to try and get healthy. But I knew I couldn't do it on my own. Thankfully someone close who loves me and had been trying to help me see the disorder is right there with me to keep me accountable. Last week we made a deal that I would just focus on the next two weeks and trying to create good eating habits. This recovery process is not quite the same as most people recovering from anorexia. First of all I am back to a normal weight for my body and I pretty much have stayed there, so I don't need to gain weight. Because of the disorder I have an unrealistic and irrational fear of gaining weight, and that is the hardest thing for me to work through right now. But because I am at a normal weight, I don't have to over eat. Everyday I have to at least eat 1500 calories, preferably 1800. I can still workout as long as I am eating and I am suppose to try to make healthy choices.

Its been a very hard and stressful week. There have been a couple days where I have been so tempted to just not eat that day or skip meals, but I have pushed myself and stayed with it. Working out has really helped me stay focused and stay on task. Because I have been working out and eating, I have noticed that I can push myself harder and accomplish more when I have energy that I am receiving from the food I am eating. I still am scared of gaining weight, but I know that once I get through these two weeks and then the few weeks following that my body will adjust to the healthy habits. I still have moments of weakness, I still break down sometimes when I am eat or afterwards, I am still far from being better and I know its going to be a long road of recovery, but I am getting a little bit stronger everyday.

I didn't choose to have an eat disorder, I didn't choose to be anorexic, I didn't choose these irrationalities. I CHOOSE to get better, I CHOOSE to make sure I have people in my life who love me and support me through this, I CHOOSE to get healthy for me, for my future, and for my future family. I CHOOSE LIFE!

There are so many people out there suffering from the same disorder or other ones like it, and unfortunately they are more sick than I ever got and they are on their way to losing their life because they are not only mentally ill, but physically starved and slowly dwindling away. They didn't make the choice to be this way, but they still have a chance to make the choice to save their lives before its too late, but they need help. They need the people that love them to stop ignoring the issue and love them by getting them help. Help them choose life.

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